#gonna move on to something else now
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puari-vol · 1 month ago
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The Perfect Pet
cw: Hypnosis, Pet play
I was on my way home from work when I got the strangest text:
Tiff
Hey slut could you run by the laundromat and pick up my clothes?  should be in the third machine from the door.
You
Uh sorry I think you have the wrong number
It was a pretty embarrassing thing to accidentally text a stranger, I couldn't help but think that whoever this had been meant for must be in a pretty quirky relationship. I reminded myself not to be so judgemental, then I got another text
Tiff
Whoops forgot to do the thing lol Slumber party time
“I’m a good girl, I’m a good slut” I muttered to myself, my body suddenly felt very heavy. My arms fell to my sides and my eyes fluttered for just a moment. Then everything felt normal again. I lifted the phone and quickly reread the text conversation
Tiff 
Are you there, slut?
You
I’m here! Sorry about that Miss Tiffany,  You want your laundry right? I can be there in fifteen minutes
Tiff
good slut no rush lol key is under the doormat
I hurried over to the laundromat anyway, it just felt so good to obey. And if I was a good enough girl, then maybe she’d even use my mouth today. I grabbed the clothes and made my way to Miss Tiffany’s apartment. Once inside I took a moment to reminisce…there had been a slumber party here a few weeks ago, my fourth one I think? It was hard to tell them apart. Then I quickly texted Miss Tiffany back.
You
Delivered! Do you want me to fold them and put them away?
Tiff
Sure lol if you wanna 
I got to work, the rest of Miss Tiffany’s clothes were also unfolded and scattered around her room. So I cleaned up all of those too.
You
All done Miss Tiffany!
I waited a few seconds…then a few more…I bit my lip, anticipation building...until suddenly
Tiff
Good girl
I let out a soft moan and my legs felt weak. I basked in it for just a moment. Then I was already texting again
You
Is there anything else I can do for you Miss?
I felt a little disappointed when she replied:
Tiff
Na can’t think of anything, ur good
Feeling disheartened, I got ready to leave. Only for my phone to buzz again, sending my hopes soaring
Tiff
Actually, you gonna be busy for the next hour or so?
You
No Miss!
Tiff
Cool, why don’t you wait for me Just get comfy on the couch and press your button for me slut
You
Yes Miss!
I sat down, and raised my index finger in front of my face. I let my eyes focus on it, then I tapped myself on the-
*Tap*
I was lying down on the couch now. When I opened my eyes all I could see was Miss Tiffany’s beautiful pussy. My mouth fell open and she lowered herself onto me. She road my face while I did everything I could to pleasure her, after all if I did good enough she might-
“Good Girl”
My hips thrust into the air while I moaned into her, it was so much better hearing it out loud. She continued to pepper in ‘good girl’s' between her pants and gasps, and I got so fuzzy that all I could think about was the taste of her. Finally she was finished using my mouth. She got off me and slid me onto the floor, where I went to work dutifully massaging her feet. She stuck a toe in my mouth and I sucked it happily.
“That was great, you’re getting better at that slut. Such a good girl”
Her foot in my face stifled my moan, and she giggled at me. I noticed it was my phone she was scrolling through while I worked. 
“Looks like you got a few other orders while you were out. But you’ve been a good slut today already, want me to tell them to get someone else?”
I shook my head as much as I could with her foot in my mouth
“Of course you don’t, such a good little slut” 
She glanced back down at my phone and read to me
“Well, it looks like Mina wants you to do her homework, Alice wants her dick sucked, and Kelsey just sent a picture of a maid dress and told you to come over. You got a busy day ahead of you slut”
She pulled her foot out of my mouth and let me stand up, she handed my phone back to me with a smile, I went to put it in my pocket, then realized I wasn’t wearing any clothes. I quickly got dressed and made my plan. I could go see Alice first, then I should probably pick up Mina’s homework before going to Kelsey’s cause the maid thing was gonna take all day. It made me so happy knowing I was going to be such a good girl for them all.  
--
I wasn’t sure what else to do, Mina’s homework was done, and I was all out of maid tasks. Kelsey was fast asleep, she had spent most of the day surprise groping me while I worked on cleaning her dorm room, and apparently that had really worn her out because she didn’t look like she was waking anytime soon. I had been hoping for one more ‘Good Girl’ to finish off the day, but it was fine. I was a good slut, I was happy just to be used. I got dressed and headed for home. Another task came in over my phone. But rather than eagerly accept I found myself texting that this slut was tired and done for the day. I received a ‘good girl’ in reply which left me dizzy. But during the walk home, I found the day's activities began to fade from my mind. I had gotten off work, hung out with some friends…and now I was going home. I was standing outside my front door when I got one last text.
Mistress
Hey there cutie :) Did you have fun today?
Another wrong number? In the same day? I texted back to clear up the misunderstanding.
You
Yes Mistress
I stared at my phone, and tried to figure out why I had just typed that, and also why this stranger was named ‘Mistress’ in my phone. But before I could even begin to feel confused there was another text
Mistress
That’s good to hear I’ve been keeping an eye on you, and I think I’ve decided to make you mine Doesn’t that sound lovely pet?
You
Yes Mistress
I stared dumbly at my own thumbs as they typed out and sent the message for a second time. I received one last text, then everything went fuzzy.
The next thing I knew, I was standing somewhere else. I was in front of a completely different door, with my arm raised as though I had just finished knocking. Before I could spend any more time figuring out where I was, the door opened and a dazzlingly beautiful woman was standing inside. She smiled at me, I recognized the smile.
“Perfect timing sweetie” 
From behind her another girl walked out of the apartment. She had a vacant expression on her face, and didn’t even glance at me as she walked down the hallway towards the exit. The woman gestured for me to enter
“You’re up next, come on in” 
I did and she shut the door behind me
"Honestly I decided I was going to keep you from the moment we first met, breaking you mind was just so much fun"
"Um...thank you"
I couldn't really understand what this lady was talking about, but before I could think about it more I was distracted by the sight of another young woman who was curled up in a pet bed in the corner of the room. She was naked aside from a leather collar around her neck. I stared at her wide eyed while the woman took a seat on the couch. She laughed when she saw me looking
“Jealous?”
I tore my eyes away, my face turning red. I looked at the woman. There was something so familiar about her but I couldn’t quite place it. She laughed at me
“You are just adorable all confused like this, take a seat”
She patted the couch next to her, and I obeyed. Good Girls obeyed…something was swimming up to the surface of my mind Good Girls obeyed…
“Mistress?” 
I heard myself ask, it was like I was listening to myself from underwater. She smiled at me 
“Why don’t we get you all comfy pet”
She took me by the shoulders and pulled me down, she adjusted me until I was lying on her lap looking up at her. Somehow she seemed even more gorgeous looking down on me like this. There was a voice in my head that was still confused, still wondering why all of this was happening. But that little voice got quieter and quieter as I stared into Mistress's eyes while she gently stroked my hair.
“So do you remember why I called you here?”
I was suddenly broken free from my stupor as I struggled to process the question.
“Uhh, I’m uh…I’m…uhh”
She giggled and placed a quieting finger over my lips
“You don’t need to worry about it pet, you don’t need to worry about anything anymore” 
I sighed, that seemed so nice. She gave me another loving smile as I relaxed into her.
"Now pay attention pet, there's one last thing you have to learn about the button that turns off your brain. You know it can be pressed and you can be turned on and off, you know it can be held down and you can have new instructions installed. but did you know you can be reset completely?"
I just stared up at her, not fully comprehending
"It's true! I can just erase everything and start from scratch. and its going to feel so so good, you'll probably just cum the moment I do it. Then everything in your mind will be gone forever, doesn't that sound good pet?"
The words simply fell out of my mouth
"Yes Mistress"
"Good Girl, would you like to say goodbye?"
"...to who Mistress?"
"You silly"
She leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. My eyes rolled back and my mouth fell open as I gasped and moaned, pleasure I had never felt before wracked my body as my mind went blank.
“And now that everything in your mind is gone, I’m going to fill it back up. Your time as a slut did so good training you into my perfectly obedient little toy. But you aren’t a Slumber Party Slut anymore, you’re just Mine. You belong to me, and as far as you know, you always have. There is nothing else, there has never been anything else. You live here with me, and you do as you are told, because you are my perfect pet, my very good girl. All you need to know is that I am your everything. and Awake”  
Mistress snapped her fingers and gently pushed the pet off her lap
“Pets don’t wear clothes”
Mistress said, and the pet started stripping while Mistress left the room. When the pet was naked she fell to her knees. without Mistress in the room there was nothing for the pet to do, nothing to even think. The moment Mistress returned, She consumed all of the pets attention. Looking for a sign, waiting for a signal. Mistress smiled at Her pet and approached, She was holding a collar in her hand. She put a finger under the pets chin and tilted her head up, then tightened the collar around the pets neck. Without a word She clipped a lead to the collar, turned around and walked away. The pet followed behind on her hands and knees, the pet enjoyed the pressure on her neck as Mistress gently pulled her. 
“The leash is gonna stay on for a while, new pets are so very dependent, and I wouldn’t want you to wander too far”
She stopped in front of a computer desk, leaned down and clipped the other end of the leash to a hook set up beneath the desk. With another gentle tug She dragged the pet underneath, then pulled up a chair and sat down. Mistress rested her feet on the pet and went to work on something. The pet curled up and started getting comfortable in her new home…no…this had always been her home.
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ch1zzie · 8 months ago
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The original in the bottom
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Plus the picture I mainly drew but decided to draw the rest for funny
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#thats not my neighbor#milk man#just tried to draw something in my mind to post along with saying some updates#monday the people are gonna give my grandma the keys to the house! while i have to stay at my aunts place for wifi for school#(online school)#my moms gonna be moving things out of storage into the house! AAAA I CANT WAIT#also little welcome home update#im not sure if i said here? wait nevermind i just remembered while typing (it was that i got barnaby and the pins) AAA silly me#also im making a little julie out of clay (if i wake up and their messed up i am NOT redoing that😭)#the legs are a little messed up because julie was gonna be the size of an hatsune miku figure on accident so i chose to shorten her a bit#only because im not sure if im gonna make the others too AND because theres no way hes gonna be THAT tall😭#also! im making easter art#yes its barnaby and wally again just for fun! but a few changes like keeping their regular outfits because i cant think of anything else!!!#why not the ones in the old easter drawing? welllll a follower said that wallys outfit looked a bit familiar to another not so good thing#it wasnt on purpose just an accident because i hadn't notice BUT im glad i know now so i can be more careful!#im not sureeee if im gonna finish the easter art OR the julie clay thingy but I'd love too! and honestly HOPE to#high chance i will (well maybe the easter art could be late or not)#maaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA trying to think if theres anything else but cant! ill try posting this hoping my wifi wont hate me...#also i know i said this account was for welcome home posting but i didnt have any cool welcome homey things to put here gahhhhh#ehehehhe once i get my new room and its allllll just me#imma post like crazy (wellll that IS the plan so i hope)#even if its little dumb posts#by the way this post was gonna say on top “i know i said this account is for welcome home posting but TAKE THIS FOR LITTLE UPDATES”#just removed it because i dunnooooo just didded#hehe didded
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skeletoninthemelonland · 7 months ago
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never lay down in bed right after eating. don't think about staying on your phone for nearly two hours in that position. don't sleep either. acid reflux is real and i hate that guy
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front-facing-pokemon · 4 months ago
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Pecharunt nose rating: 5/10 find my mochi
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these are both very good references!
by the way, i will be building up the queue again in the ffp discord server in THIRTY MINUTES!!:
come help decide which angles truly are the least flattering for this first chunk of pokémon!
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mamawasatesttube · 5 months ago
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i have to speak my truth. i think timkon clone baby aus fucking suck
#rimi talks#here's the thing. you take a traumatized teenager and give them a baby. you're going to further traumatize the teen AND the baby#you take a traumatized teenager and say ''hey your bff nonconsensually cloned you while you were dead and now there's a child''........#LIKE THATS NOT GREAT. THATS NOT GREAT!#and like. if it's in-character tim is horribly depressed and grieving. kon has just successfully committed suicide via heroics and come BAC#NEITHER of them is going to be a good parent because of how they are STILL TEENAGERS THEMSELVES#and im just so fundamentally NOT interested in seeing my favs be shitty parents who unintentionally traumatize a child#.....hey wait. is that the appeal? to batman fans i mean. since. yknow. that's what batman does--#anyways ive never seen a single one of these posts that suggests the op has even heard of kon's clone rights feelings#clone baby guardian arc in sb94 you will always be fucking famous#but hey i mean why bother being in-character or anything when you can do fluff thats ooc to the point of unrecognizability i guess#this is tangentially also how i feel about people who say steph couldve kept the baby + raised it with tim. bro they were 15#but its soo much more egregious with kon because he has NO ability to consent to this. he is dead.#he forgives tim afterwards because tim already knows it was fucked up to do and he was wrong#THATS SIGNIFICANT. BECAUSE THERE *IS* SOMETHING FOR KON TO FORGIVE#frankly if kon returned from the dead and tim was like hey i cloned you and made a child. it'd destroy their relationship#he'd be sympathetic and he would be kind to the child but his ability to trust tim would be shattered by that#and again im just NOT interested in that story!!!!#and neither is anyone else who does this trope i think because no one doing this trope actually gives a shit about kon's character afaict :#OH WELL. whatever . i block and i move on and also i bitch about it in the tags on a personal post. you know how it is#now im gonna go play some more hades. ive gotta beat extreme measures 4 with every weapon
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hopesapowerfulthing · 1 year ago
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The Perfect Birthday gift
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mishy-mashy · 6 months ago
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Kudo makes funny facial expressions
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#i bet this guy was actually a hoot to be around#with his low voice short stature bricks on his forearms#he seems like a guy with a lot of sass#and being stubborn or deadpan#he smiles like a damn quagsire its amazing#i use him in fic stuff to help push stuff along cuz if its left to bruce things will never progress. hes too roundabout and careful#hes all serious and driven but i bet hes the kind to chew faster when hes in trouble#bruce: leader have you seen the peanuts i was gonna have for lunch?#kudo: *chews faster*#his quirk - Gearshift - literally has the user move their hand as if switching gears in a manual car to change the gears of the quirk#kudo has to have something with manual cars methinks. maybe he had one or something. or hes just a bit old in tastes#how else would kudo realize he was Meta if Gearshift required the user to make said movements? or does that part only come AFTER it evolved#i was put in a manual car for the first time and. like a nerd. realized this is the same as kudo#and i got it to work. THANKS KUDOOOO *sing song*#also that post i made about kudo being kind#kudo cant lie or hide stuff for shit. hes so obvious and knows what hes doing with en#NOT EVERYTHING IS GONNA KILL YOU IF YOU STEP WRONG KUDO. he was being so serious the whole time with#“youre gonna die” “the world will end in 5 minutes” “its only just starting now”#this list could be longer if KUDO HAD MORE SCREENTIME-#the gearshift hand thing with midoriya mightve just been midoriyas mental imagery tho#kudo#bnha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#mha#spoilers#how could i forget these tags
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synonymroll648 · 1 year ago
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"And she [Sophie] couldn't help noticing how good he [Keefe] smelled—like wind and salt air and something a little citrusy."
hey guys remember when on page 646 of stellarlune shannon confirmed that keefe is a bit fruity (/hj)
#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#kotlc shitpost#keefe sencen#soph ty for giving us this detail while you were off being a sophie-koala <3#(sophie-koala is now a term used in canon once so far and i am taking it and RUNNING)#sokeefe#because this is from the sokeefe chapter we've all heard about by now (42)#but also. the fact that he smells like wind and salt air and something a lil citrusy?#using that for at LEAST one keefitz fic#actually that's just gonna be a staple detail about keefe for me now. keefitz sokeefitz sokeefe something else i WILL use a similar#description to this no matter what. keefe absolutely WOULD smell like oranges. to me.#just because i love the idea of him going from eating oranges to use the peel for a smiley face the way kids love to do in elementary#to do it for that and because he just likes the fruit#salt air is pretty self explanatory because he likes the ocean but like. wind?#i'm pretty sure the context in this one is that he was off flying w/ silveny but. i love the idea that he ALWAYS smells like wind#like wind in your hair on a roadtrip like wind whipping against your clothes in a summer thunderstorm like wind blowing through lonely#hilltops like wind trying to catch you when you're falling off a cliff knowing damn well it won't save you but trying anyway#wind is never here to stay. keefe's never here to stay. he's wired to always be on the move#keefe being equated w/ wind is just. yes#damn i kinda derailed from keefe being a fruit but. he can be both guys i promise
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crybaby-bkg · 2 years ago
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Dabi is surprisingly a lightweight. You honestly would’ve never figured by looking at him, but as you think back on it, you’ve never really seen him drink a lot. Not when there were celebratory parties, or when things didn’t go right for him. It’s why you’re so shocked when you convince two shots into his system, why he suddenly looks so loose, why his grin splits so wide.
He’s a clinger, you’ve also learned as you’ve started observing the blue eyed man where he shoves his face into the crook of your neck. His body bends over almost uncomfortably to fit into the position, and you can’t help but flinch a little when his damp breath blows a quiet little raspberry on your flesh.
omg wait my favorite thought is of you not even necessarily being a heavyweight, you can just handle your liquor a little better than anyone expects. you love to knock back drink after drink, convince Dabi into some stupid competition that he falls for because he’s such a little nerd and secretly wants to impress you. he does it thinking you’ll be the drunk one first, the one hanging off of his arm and hopefully his dick by the end of the night.
it belatedly shocks him when it’s the exact opposite. when he’s slurring a little and smiling at you, when you watch him through low eyes with a wide grin, when he wraps himself around you like a python, when you shake his face gently as you squish his cheeks together in hand. he’s just so utterly obsessed with you in these moments, and maybe it’s the liquor in him, but he knows his lowered inhibitions are only bringing forth the feelings he’s always suppressed.
drunk sex with Dabi where he’s the one too loose limbed and limp and weak. he flops onto bed like some rag doll with his arms and legs spread wide, but he musters up enough strength to release the heavy weight of his cock from its confinements. doesn’t do much besides lift his head from the pillows with a point to his crotch and a lazy grin, an announcement of, go ahead and hop on already before he’s flopping back down again, ready to lay back and get fucked like how he knows he deserves.
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goldenstorm0 · 22 days ago
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I would like to live somewhere surrounded by flowers, but I'm really bad at keeping plants alive, so I'll need to find someone to do that part for me
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zeb-z · 1 year ago
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to be fair, I don't think qroier not trusting qbad is particularly new haha. i think it's been going on for a while even before purgatory. the only thing purgatory did with that particularly relationship is it gave qroier an excuse to be more vocal in his annoyance
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( @lucienff the themes of these are similar so I’m answering the ask and responding in one post instead of the comments, hope you don’t mind :3 )
I agree with the read that Roier didn’t particularly trust Bad before, but I think that at a baseline, Roier doesn’t have much trust with most anyone to begin with. I think everything that had happened with Spreen back in the beginning of the server is something that is a large cause in that, because its still something he is suffering from months later - it’s just in true Roier fashion, it’s something he doesn’t really talk about to others. He’s only recently shared it and talked about it with Cellbit.
But even then, he had a respect for Bad. When the eggs first went missing, and they were both visibly affected by the stress, they had moments of somewhat acknowledging the other, but sticking to the script of “oh I’m fine” yknow what I mean? And before purgatory, yeah, there was no doubt that Bad cared for the eggs, and could be trusted in that regard.
But post Purgatory, I think that baseline trust has been shaken. He doesn’t let Bad see Pepito when he visited the castle, makes excuses for him to leave, and then afterwards talks to himself about how he’s angry that everyone seems to have forgotten Purgatory (both in the context that he also doesn’t trust Pepito, and he doesn’t want Bad coming up to him as if the past two weeks didn’t happen). When Leo wakes up, and Bad is around trying to talk with them, he makes a point of pulling her away. Of putting himself between Leo and Bad. And it’s in the subtle, usual jesting way he’s done before with Bad (“you can only drink lava once yknow. sure, try it, I’m not going though!” and “stranger danger Leo, stranger danger!” etc etc. said with enough dramatics it keeps it lighthearted, because that’s what Roier does).
I don’t think Roier is actively thinking he should mistrust Bad with the eggs specifically. I don’t think that he thinks Bad doesn’t care about the eggs. I just think he hasn’t fully trusted Bad before, and now since Purgatory he doesn’t trust him at all, for good reason - Bad was very much an instigator and a cause for both his own torment and his family’s (Jaiden namely, what with the spawn killing, and Cellbit, Foolish). It’s no longer a ‘this guy is a thorn in my side and I don’t trust him’ kinda petty drama between islanders. It’s a ‘this guy went back on the deal to keep the score 50/50 and did so under the impression we as the losing team could die’ kind of situation. A ‘we spent the past few weeks in hell and this guy repeatedly not only killed, but went over the top in tormenting my family and myself, I don’t trust him’ kind of situation. It’s not an excuse to be petty or properly annoyed, it’s a result of how Bad burned all his bridges in purgatory. It’s in large part a trauma response.
It doesn’t matter that Bad has never once been a threat to Leo, that he’s taken care of her multiple times, that he has always checked in with the eggs and cared for them - it matters that Leo is his sister, that Pepito is under his care, and he Does Not Trust Bad.
#it’s like yeah there’s always been the half joshing around half ‘man I hate that guy’ thing between them. not quite like bad and foolish bu#similar enough I agree#but like. purgatory got serious quick. and Roier is not going to pretend like it didn’t happen. and he’s not moving on as everyone else is#or how everyone else seems to be I should say#so it’s like. yeah Roier doesn’t really fully trust anybody. but from the events of purgatory he Really does not trust Bad#I think it’s just more intense than that yknow. bad is so quick to brush off purgatory as something that can be looked over (not counting -#-the times he just doesn’t remember it at all due to his memory loss) because it’s inconsequential to him. and he has this way of#brushing off extreme things because he both genuinely has a different moral viewpoint and because he can and will ‘I’m just a little guy#and ‘what’s a little psychological and physical torment between friends :3’ his way outta it#but it is serious. especially to the others. especially to Roier. it’s not just gonna be swept under and there will continue to be fallouts#idk. it’s not just a case of ‘I always knew I hated that guy and now I have an excuse’. it’s a ‘I am in severe psychological distress in#large part to this guy in particular and do not trust him with the time of day’ yknow what I mean#everyone has been showing their own trauma from purgatory but Roier is especially showing the mistrust and anger from it#mcyt#qsmp#q!bbh#q!roier#anon#z speaks
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aurosoulart · 2 years ago
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the GREAT PATREON SMUSH
I was going to make an advertisement for this with bright colors and maybe animated sparkles but 1) I hate making ads and 2) we are all so exhausted by bright ads vying for our brain chemicals that I just don’t want to do that to you anymore!!!! I’m TIRED of things grabbing for my attention in an unending assault on my senses and I’m sure you are too!!!!!!!
if you’ve been doom-scrolling and need a break (a nice beverage, a stretch of the legs, etc.), take this as a sign to do so now. if you’ve got the energy for a little reading, though, and want to learn about my work - keep going!
ANYWAYS I’ll get to the point: ALL of my patreon benefits are now available to the lowest ($3) tier.
in fact, there ARE no other tiers anymore. they’re gone! scrunched! smunshed! stirred up all together into one big super tier soup of everything I offer now and will offer in the future!
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everyone now gets:
over 100 4k desktop wallpapers
early access/wips
25% discounts on prints
livestream voice chat
art votes & art suggestions
commission slots
and access to the Art Grotto discord, a friendly and chill server with a small community of creative folks. we share art, writing, pets, memes, and also come up with fun art ideas together! 🌈
why am I smushing the tiers and giving up the higher pledge amounts?!
because capitalism sucks, we’re in a recession, and I’m lucky enough to have a full-time job that allows me to make art without being reliant on Patreon income. anyone who has sat in on one of my livestreams knows that I try to be a calming force in an often-chaotic world, and that I’m always looking for ways to make art more accessible to everyone. I want my Patreon to be a place where I can give back to those who are supporting me in this mission!
this tier smush is just the start of how I hope to transform this space! I have a bunch of fun ideas about stuff I want to do in the future, so keep an eye out for more announcements like this 👁
that’s all!!!! thank you if you’ve read this far, and here’s the link to the Patreon if any of this interested you!
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torchickentacos · 6 months ago
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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months ago
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#my dads back in ohio again so im back on my own. i still feel terrible but at least i have a plan#i have 2 weeks of this semester left. so i have to not fail my genomics exam and work on a group project plus grade a bunch#shouldnt be too hard but everything makes me so tired rn and i just feel this barrier between myself and everything else#even when my dad was here. i just dont kno how to feel happy. just varied levels of stress#but after the semester is over ill have to find a job for the summer. which super stresses me out bc i havent really had a real job outside#academia and im worried about how stressful ill find it bc im sure its gonna suck but at least i wont have to work on my project#i just think if i had a normal job that doesnt dominate every aspect of my life id feel a little less terrible. or at least i wouldnt send#myself spiralling so much. if i stay here i might not survive it#but what if ill just make myself miserable wherever i am? i dunno. but im gonna try to find a non academic job this summer with the epa or#maybe the usgs. i mean ive gota a bachelor's and a masters in environmental topics. that's gotta count for something#just get a government job. pray for a not terrible set of coworkers. and build something from there#it just sucks bc i feel like everythings falling apart and like i kno if i gave it my all i could pull thru and get my phd but im just so#tired of struggling against something everyone else can do. i just cant read at a level appropriate for what im doing#ugh. i dont wanna study for genomics. i just wanna sleep. i just wish i wasn't in this position#and now i a baby about it. i mean my sisters r in similar positions bc the youngest is currently looking for a teaching job. and my middle#sister is looking to move to new york city in the next 6 months and she'd be quitting her job for that. so we're all sorta in flux#i just wanna not be flailing. not watch my hopes and dreams collapse. be excited about anything. im just sad bc i have to make hard choices#even if i know theyre the right ones to make if i want to continue to exist. sometimes u cant have the things u wany.#and that sucks and i hate it. theme of the year: sometimes life sucks and theres nothing u can do abt it#unrelated
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sekwar · 10 months ago
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YOU GET POTATO CANNON GOODBYE!!!!!
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varjopeura · 20 days ago
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#okay no it's not the darkness getting to me there is a real life thing occupying a lot of my brain space#and idk if there's anything to be gained by speaking it out loud into the void but at the moment it's the only thing i Can do#i don't even have to click the 'post' button if i don't want to#but yeah. yesterday got the news that my mom's husband is dying. had a surprise heart attack and he's not gonna make it#just feels super fucking weird#personally i never really liked him at all so it's not like i myself necessarily have to grieve. never was that close with him#but like. oof this is going to be hard for my mom. and i'm super worried about how she's going to survive#but there's nothing to DO about it really. she wanted to have some space to come to terms with this on her own#and she has a strong support network of friends in her city. while i'm on the other side of the country#and don't even know what i could do to help if i was closer to her. i just. like. what can you even do in a situation like this?#just feels weird to Not do anything when i know how huge of an impact this will make for her entire life#she'll probably have to move to a different place too#and there are people there to help her. people with more life experience. people who probably know more about grief than i do#i just. i have no idea how one handles something like this. except for being there for her when asked#do eldest daughters have some sort of universal responsibilities that i'm just not aware of?#it feels kinda horrible how this is constantly circling back to what can *I* do and what must *I* do. how *I* feel#i'd never ever ever make things this much about me in any other setting than my own tumblr blog. in a tag whisper i'm not sure i'll post#but yeah all of this is eating my brain in a very weird way. an odd sort of limbo where it feels like there should be something here#it'd certainly be easier if i had any sort of relationship with the dead person myself. if i had something to grieve myself#now there's just a feeling that something Should be here to feel. and the knowledge of how hard this must be for my mom#ahhhhh idk none of this makes any sense i'm just speaking in circles and everything feels bad#it's bad and horrible and i don't know how to process any of this and i'm stuck in my brain and can't DO anything#there's nothing i can do to help my mom at this exact moment when she wants to be left alone with her thoughts#and i can't do anything else either because all of this feels like a heavy black cloud fogging up my brain#can't concentrate on anything at all today#not fun. not cool#sussitalk
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